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listening to understand instead of listening to reply

During that lag-time, we start to listen to ourselves and not to the other person. Under what circumstance might this be true? “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”. 2. Listening(by audio or by reading) is a silent activity. Until you get the overall point, it’s easy to misconstrue the facts or put them into the wrong context. With this level of listening, you seek to understand the other person, you don't interrupt or make assumptions. Listening requires dedicated concentration and a willingness to understand what the other person is saying. The Purpose of Listening: To Understand, Not Reply. Practice: Do not pretend to understand something when you don’t. Instead of saying, "I'm proud of you," like a compliment, an affirmation focuses on the other person, "You should be proud of your hard work." Challenge yourself first. Do you really need to take notes? Really is in depth and makes me think rationally about a bad conversation I had with a friend that totally let his emotions fuel his words, which proceeded to spark a flurry of loud words which made me quite upset. Once they finished their point-of-view, you’ll notice that you respond less quickly. Any thoughts on proactive listening? (There are times when it’s OK to avoid. Years ago, I can’t remember the book, but I remember reading the following expression… Listening to understand versus listening to respond. Listening to other people does not exist because you need to give back your response to their perspectives or defend your actions. So while it may be commonly referred to as the St Francis Prayer, it actually appeared for the first time in French in 1912. Listening is more than giving another person our physical attention. It’s true: We often listen with a specific goal in mind, with the intention to reply, to share our perspective, or to convince the other person. Tailored In-House Training in Business, Communications and Creativity. With this level of listening, you seek to understand the other person, you don't interrupt or make assumptions. Excellent information that I wish more people would read! This may be both a bonus and a shock to the speaker. Reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. ). That said, you can gently ask the speaker to repeat themselves, but always do that between their sentences. Taking the advice to listen to understand instead of to reply is very important in relationships with coworkers, partners, parents, and anyone else in your life. 2. Then there’s outside interruptions too, either technical (phones, gadgets, emails, squawk boxes used for conference calls) or physical (noise, an uncomfortable or too-comfortable chair). This allows you to enhance your ability to understand where your customer is coming from. The answer is, when you listen to respond, as Bruce mentioned in his article. Tags: competitive listeningconcentrationconfirmation biasGeorge MillerHarvard Business reviewJulian TreasureMiller's Lawnon-verbal communicationsPrinceton UniversityRalph NicholsUniversity of Minnesota. You catch yourself when your thoughts are wandering and bring your focus back to the conversation. Article by Lifehack. Listening is a vital interpersonal skill and it supports us in the ability to communicate and interact with people. Remember, you can understand a person, but not agree with them. In order to listen to understand, you need to be aware of your emotions. The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. Physically relax and get comfortable. This is important! May these quotes inspire you to listen so that you may succeed in the pursuit of your dreams. Listening Pass It On® Pass It On® share tweet pin email print. Via The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Initially I had no idea what the heck that meant. Your Comments. The other way to listen to customers is to listen with the intent to understand. It’s pretty obvious when someone isn’t really listening. You must approach listening with a positive attitude and the intent to understand the other person completely. This paradigm is completely different from the usual paradigm. You put yourself in it so that you can see things the way the other person sees them and understand the way they feel. Until they’ve finished speaking, don’t talk. Ask the responsible employee specific questions about it. Anonymous SEPTEMBER 13, 2018 Listen to learn what is being said. If you must, make short punchy notes. Or, if you’ve missed a point, you can demonstrate you want to hear their points more exactly. However, the issue of deadline is just as acute.). Your reply will then come from a basis of complete understanding. Listen to him without interrupting, if you feel like saying something take a deep breath and remind yourself this is about LISTENING to … 4. In fact, most people usually only remember about 17 to 25% of the things they listen to. Typically at this point, depending upon the situation, the speaker has two options: to coach or to counsel – but I’ll leave that for another post. Do not listen whilst working out your reply. Because the brain isn’t using its full capacity when listening, the brain drifts off to other questions. Many of you have probably heard this saying: “Listen to Understand, rather than Listening to Respond” …. We listen to reply. Is their speech fast or slow, smooth or broken? Initially I had no idea what the heck that meant. The best way to handle #7 is to ask non-confrontational questions. In 2006, Dr. Ralph Nichols – who established the first study in the field of listening nearly 40 years ago at the University of Minnesota – quantified that we spend 40 percent of our day listening to others, but retain just 25 percent of what we hear. If you're not ready to listen- for example, you've been caught unawares in the lift, a topic comes up as a tangent during another conversation - say you're not ready to … Thanks, Andy! In 2006, Dr. Ralph Nichols – who established the first study in the field of listening nearly 40 years ago at the University of Minnesota – quantified that we spend 40 percent of our day listening to others, but retain just 25 percent of what we hear. “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply,” wrote Steve Covey in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. We shouldn’t be judgmental and associative. Breathe slowly and deeply. This basically just means to not only listen and make the person feel heard, but think about what you are genuinely curious about and ask. We are generally formulating and answer in our head while the person … “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply,” wrote Steve Covey in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. What’s the difference? Discover new music you'll want to play and loop with an access of exclusive video reviews! 1. Your comment really struck me because I feel like we all kind of experience what you have at some point or another. Listening Focused, concentrated attention for the purpose of understanding the meanings expressed by a speaker., at its best, is active, focused, concentrated attention for the purpose of understanding the meanings expressed by a speaker. Instead of forcing yourself, become more passive. Comment document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a8f7f9672e978f58c728b1a26f6d85a7" );document.getElementById("a2b8075eec").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Thank you for sharing this. The underlying point of this article is to listen to understand, rather than to listen to determine your response. “No one is as deaf as the man who will not listen.”. If you have a problem focusing, repeat what the person is saying in your head. I had a curricula on listening, but it seemed too lecture-ish, so I began to look for ways to make it more conversational (oh, the irony!). You also need to create a feedback loop to allow them to describe their understanding of a particular project and what it means to them. Your only focus is understanding the customer's perspective. Some of the topics they may address are: 1.

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